


The Last Time I Said Goodbye

by mzsnaz, Sarek and Amanda Archive Maintainer (Selek)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:23:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mzsnaz/pseuds/mzsnaz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selek/pseuds/Sarek%20and%20Amanda%20Archive%20Maintainer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Random thoughts from a mother about her son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Time I Said Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This was something short that I wrote several months ago. I live very close to a military Army post, and with the war situation as it is, I found myself 'doodling' down a few thoughts.

This was something short that I wrote several months ago. I live very close to a military Army post, and with the war situation as it is, I found myself 'doodling' down a few thoughts. Feedback is appreciated.

Title: The Last Time I Said Goodbye  
Author: mzsnaz  
Series: TOS  
Rated: G  
Summary: Random thoughts from a mother about her son.  
Disclaimer: Star Trek is the property of Paramount and Viacom.

____

 

My thoughts are always bleak at night. Sometimes, late in the evening with only the muffled sounds of the house to keep me company, I lie awake and wonder what you are doing. It's so difficult to be here alone. Perhaps you're working. Perhaps you are asleep, as I should be. The distance is growing and it seems to be driving us further apart. As the thoughts whirl around, a sudden stabbing fear pierces me. What if you're hurt? Is that why I haven't heard from you in nineteen days? You may be simply out of range with communication out of the question. I breathe and meditate on that. Yes...out of range. No danger. No fear. 

It seems like only a few days ago that I told you goodbye. There were no tears, not even that first time you left. Tears! An emotional response. We parted as always...a small glint of light in your eyes and a slight tilt of your head to let me know you would be back soon. I longed to kiss you on the temple the way I used to when you were a baby, but that would be improper...

There is always a next time for goodbyes. Your absence and that of your father's can be filled with any number of activities. But I miss you. Especially at night. Do you remember sitting in the garden late into the evening, listening to the shifting sands and the occasional roars of the le-matyas heard distantly hunting in the desert? I treasure those times. 

This house is too big. Two people really don't need such a huge house. This house should be filled with children. Yes...children. When the family asks, we will move. But they have been most generous in allowing us to stay. Perhaps they wonder if I would be offended. But really, this house should be used. It's not a museum. We aren't relics waiting to be dusted. Such a strange thought. Age is such a human thing. My age doesn't matter here. My experience and knowledge; now, that matters. Back to the house. Really, it had always been too much, even when you were young...when you were here. Oh, if only there had been someone who was faithful! Then, this house would be yours and there would be... Now, stop. Such foolish thoughts. You are satisfied. I should be, but why do I long for the sounds of scuffling sandals...childish whispers...cries in the dead of night?

My son, a career in space offers many opportunities for you, and I am pleased that you chose that career. Yes, I'll admit it. Even after I begged you to reconsider. The thought of you being gone...out of my life...in danger...was nearly too much. What did I have without you? But we both changed. I found an inner strength I didn't know I possessed. And you found a true home, one filled with acceptance and without the shackles of a restrictive and, at times, smothering conformity. And you grew. And became stronger. The child I knew changed into a man. That was hard on me. When did that happen? Why did I have to miss that? 

Do you consider this home anymore? It's been so long. You know you should visit more often, and yes, I know I'm asking yet again. I'm pleased to hear about the training mission. It sounds safe. Yes, I know. But, I must admit that I'm proud of your transition from active duty to teaching. Yes, I'm biased. I know you will be an excellent instructor. I just hope your cadets realize what an opportunity it is to learn from you. Yes, I have once again unflinchingly praised you. It's my prerogative as your mother. 

Someday soon, you'll come back and perhaps stay longer than just a shore leave. I'd like that. We still have a lot to talk about. I just hope that when you leave, you'll look back and not wish it to be the last time we say goodbye.

 

The End


End file.
